“This is a little embarrassing to admit,” began Governor Deal at an official press briefing. “it turns out, contrary to popular belief, the state of Georgia was not founded in 1732. It has been around much longer than that.”
The governor was speaking among what pundits are calling a political shake-up following the monumental discovery of a 1,1000 year old site of Mayan ruins in the foothills of the state’s tallest mountain, Brasstown Bald. Jim Gallonay of the Atlanta Journal explained, “politicians have been getting a lot of mileage out of beating up on immigrants. The fact that people migrating here might be able to trace their lineage further back than the pilgrims causes a problem for that line of attack.”
Alicia Hernandez, an indigenous rights organizer, commented, “We are not immigrants on our own continent.” Hernandez has called for the US to ratify the UN Treaty on Indigenous Rights and has been vocal opposition to laws such as recently passed HB87.
The discovery has become the number one discussion across the state. In Ms. Finkel’s fifth grade class at Washington Carver Elementary, Michael, a student there, “It’s kinda like when you put something on your seat so people know you have dibs but when you come back someone else is sitting there and won’t give it back. It’s not fair.”
Officials are still scrambling to adjust to the revelation. An Immigration and Customs Officer speaking on condition of anonymity said the agency doesn’t know what to do with the hundreds of immigrants currently identified for deportation through its partnership with local police. “All this time, we’ve been saying ‘show me your papers.’ Those ruins over in the North seem to serve as some pretty heavy documents.”
Carbon-dating performed on the ruins place the artifacts as having been created near 900 AD, at least 800 years before the foundation of the state of Georgia. The archeological site is seen as evidence of the continental travel indigenous historians have claimed was common before the invention of borders accompanying nation-states.
Deal concluded his press conference with news that stunned the crowd who had gathered, pleased some, and outraged anti-immigrant hardliners of the Dustin Inman Society. “Especially as an elected official, it’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. But as a person, it’s a brave thing to do what is right. I am hereby rescinding HB87. It would seem that we may not only owe the indigenous people of this land, not just those who built these ruins but all those who this state has wronged, an apology. We may owe them some back taxes as well.”For the actual news, not satire, on the Mayan site, click here.